


You Matter To Me.

by ladybuginette



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: 2020, Aged Up, Crying, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Ladrien June, Love, One Shot, Roomates, Suicide Attempt, Very happy ending, dont be scared lol, fluffy ladrien, happiness, its not a sad story, its not sad, just part of it, kiss, mention of suicide, warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybuginette/pseuds/ladybuginette
Summary: "you don't matter," the voice in his head says. "you never will."Adrien looks at the rooftop, then at the sky, and wonders what it would feel like seeing the world from up so high.He's so close to discovering how it would be being up above, so he prepares to the hit but it never comes.Instead, he finds himself in her arms. Swinging instead of falling.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste/Ladybug
Comments: 7
Kudos: 87





	You Matter To Me.

**Author's Note:**

> *randomly writes a suicide attempt while eating pancakes and sipping her soda*  
> *don't worry I'm not evil*

He intertwined his fingers behind his back, sweat dripping off his forehead, breath shaking, eyes closing slightly at the sun hue as he eyed the tall building, especially the last floor.

Adrien wondered what the world would look like from up there.

He wanted to know. Needed to know.

He felt his breath quicken while the air he breathed seemed to not enter his body, it really seemed like he couldn't get oxygen to his lungs and he was almost convinced he was suffocating.

However, he _knew_ it was only his anxiety.

He eyed the building again, reconsidering his choice as he softly chuckled to himself.

Why will it matter anyway?

His father was the first person that came into Adrien’s head. A cold-hearted, uncaring, narcissistic, and paranoid parent.

He knew his father will not care, he seemed to do fine after his mother’s death. Very fine in that room of his, not interacting or noticing his son. _So why will it matter?_

Gabriel neglects him when he’s alive might as well neglect him when he’s gone.

_His lady._

Adrien smiled sadly, he knew she didn't deserve this. _But why would it matter?_

She was a brave, determined, strong, and heroic woman who didn't need a broken partner like himself.

A weak partner.

She didn't return his love anyway, she might as well give his miraculous to that guy she liked.

Adrien let out a short breath.

His legs start walking on their own, not caring anymore if Adrien wanted to do this or no.

But he knew deep in his heart that it was what he desired more than anything. What clogged his mind all night and all morning before he slept and after he woke up.

As he entered the building, he glanced at a lovely couple that reminded him of Alya and Nino.

His best friends.

They do have each other.

And he knew they loved too, but _it wouldn't matter, will it?_

They could be fine without him.

They used to go out with him as he third wheeled with Marinette.

Surely, they can find someone else. Someone better who never bails.

As he climbed the steps to the building he noticed her.

A beautiful girl.

His friend.

Marinette.

She was incredible if you ask.

But even she, was always nervous around him, probably because he was a stupid model. Probably because of the gum incident years ago. Till that point, Adrien didnt know why she was so shaken up around him.

It surely would matter if he finally got to know why she freaked out in his presence.

But just as his eyes met hers and she raised her hand to wave at him, he heard the voice in his head, yet again.

 _Move_. It said.

 _You’re almost there_. It said.

 _You’ll talk to her and everything you planned for won't matter_.

So it wouldn't matter, would it?

She was waving at him, surely she could wave at someone else after he was gone. Someone better. Someone who wouldn't intimidate her.

He ignored his friend as he knew he would be distracted from his mission if he waved back.

Adrien moved faster and faster.

He was almost there.

He would finally know what the world looked like from up _there_.

He climbed higher and higher.

Step after step.

One floor to the other.

Then he went, he raced towards the last floor, the highest one in the building, fast breathing, and heart pumping.

No, Adrien wasn't scared.

Adrien opened the rooftop door even though he knew no one was allowed to be there.

The sun shined on his face so brightly, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter because nothing could gleam bright enough to erase the darkness that possessed him. Nothing could save him of his dark soul and evil mind.

_He wants it._

_He deserves it._ He thought.

No one would care later because no one did now. Adrien was alone and didn't belong anywhere.

He was always an outcast but treated as if he belonged inside the circle because everyone thought he was the brave mask he pretended to be.

He would simply just leave this world and would be easily replaced by someone who wasn't an outcast.

Someone who truly belonged in this world.

But Adrien knew he didn't.

He knew because the voice repeated itself every day, made sure that Adrien would hear every part of it, every word as it rang and talked and screamed and bullied.

The same voice telling him that he simply didn’t matter.

The model finally stepped on the edge, taking in the view beneath him.

A beautiful view from up so high.

Everything was tiny, everything seemed small and easy. He wanted it to remain that way, he wanted it to remain far and distant from him.

He saw people together, belonging, being, loving, and staying.

They mattered.

They really did.

He looked at the sky and thought,

_The view looks good from up here, might as well look better from up there too._

_Why not?_

After that, Adrien found himself stepping forward into thin air.

Feeling himself fall.

Adrien panicked scared and hesitant.

So just before he fell he latched his hand on anything he could hold on, the edge of the rooftop.

He was terrified.

_But what If it does matter?_

Adrien was floating. lost and confused he was there in the thin line between life and death.

The place where life felt like it mattered the most.

He didn't feel numb, he felt Adrenaline rush through his body as he realized what he has done. Adrien was terrified once again because he felt alive.

In that instant just before death, life felt like a treasure to him.

But then again, he thought.

_Would it really matter?_

The voice returned and everything felt blurry and almost unreal to him.

So he chuckles as he looked at himself, all dangled there, alone and pathetic.

If he mattered, someone else would be here telling him NO. So he looked around just once more to make sure he is the only one there.

 _No one here, never will._ it said

He would probably continue like that forever.

Adrien smiles sadly as he feels his hands give away.

He fell.

He was finally going to see his mother.

He opened his arms as he felt the gravity pull him down.

Just like his loneliness pulled him towards it.

Adrien was still scared of the unknown, but he wasn't hesitant. 

So he prepared to hit the ground.

He knows it will be painful. But at least it will go away afterward.

The hit came, but not painful. It was soft. There was also a grip on his waist and a shoulder next to his head.

He wasn't falling anymore because someone had caught him.

Adrien opened his eyes to find himself staring into teary bluebell ones.

Panic, fear, confusion, and sorrow stared back at him questioning him _why._

He felt her trembling arms trying their best to hold and keep him there.

So he holds onto her.

Ladybug put him down to his feet in his apartment. His _very_ lonely apartment.

She took a shaky breath while clutching her head violently then looked at him and yelled. “What were you thinking?”

Adrien didn't know what to say. “You shouldn’t have saved me, Ladybug.”

He hadn't wanted to be saved. And he didn't want lectures of how broken, weak, and crazy he was. The past should stay in the past, he’d rather disappear.

Anything else wouldn't matter. Just like he didn't.

He saw her shake her head in disbelief. Tears covering her head as she tried her best to focus on him, and _only_ him.

_Probably from the shock._

_You don’t see someone trying to throw himself every day._ it said again.

“Adrien, why?” what else would she say? She didn't know him. He was just a billboard poster to her. No more, no less.

His heart felt heavy as emotions crashed through him again.

“You shouldn’t have saved me, ladybug.” He repeated. His voice felt weird as he tried to hide the way his throat tightened so he didn't show his distress.

Because, truly, all he wanted was to end it. But she didn’t let him.

“Why?” she repeated, this time nearly screaming. This time holding his shoulders and shaking him violently so he would her question.

Adrien didn't t want to hold it in anymore. He screamed back at her with the sentence that repeated itself on him all the time. 

“Because it won’t matter!” he shouted as tears streamed down his face. “! I just- I just fell, okay!” He tried to lie, anything to make it stop.

“Did you fall, Adrien?” She asked. “Or did u let go?”

The man in question trembled silently as he turned his head and closed his eyes. They both knew the answer to that so all he could say was the only thing he actually knew. “I-I don’t matter to anyone.”

And just like that Ladybug lost it.

Ladybug, who was crying hysterically, waving her head in disbelief yet again, trying to form a word but voice too weak to even utter a word, fell into her knees sobbing and weeping.

He knew her voice was too low but he heard it anyway. “Of course you matter.”

She hugged his knees because it was the only place she reached.

Adrien didn't know why she was crying the way she was. She didn't even _know_ him.

“Of course you matter.” Ladybug said it louder another time to make sure he heard her.

The model sobbed and slid down to her level to sit on his knees.

He didn't want to believe her. He knew she won’t know if he did. She didn't know Adrien. She only knew chat, who was happy and carefree around her.

“I d-don’t.” Adrien buried his hands in his golden locks. “For who? I really can’t think of anyone who cares… enough.” he spoke with his voice cracking.

“I care!” she blurted, still crying.

Adrien laughed sadly, in a small voice he said, “Ladybug, you don’t even know me!”

Just as the words left his mouth the girl shouted at him again. “You don’t know that! You don’t know if I know you or not! What is- what if I do? ”

Adrien clenched his teeth. He didn’t expect this.

Ladybug saved his life and straight-up told him she knew him in her civilian life, at least, she implied she did.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” He said. This time his voice sounding just like the one in his head. “It really doesn’t."

Ladybug who is completely torn out and exhausted breathed through her nose, taking in a long breath while wiping the tears that were still falling. “It does, Adrien. Trust me” she looked to nowhere particularly as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“You can be someone’s everything and you won’t know about it, Adrien.” The superheroine shook her head slowly as if she was struggling to say anything to make him feel better.

“I’m not anyone’s anything,” he said because he knew.

Ladybug removed her head from his shoulder, and rested it on his forehead, gazing into his green eyes, then he put her gloved hand on his cheek.

“You are.” She continues. “You are _my_ everything.” She whispers, voice so low as if Adrien is made of glass and she is scared to shatter him. " I do know you, Adrien. No matter how hard I try to tell you out of this." She pointed at her suit. "It doesn't work."She, then, shrugged. "I guess it's better this way."

The words she let slip like some life-ending secret didn't shatter Adrien, if anything, it brought him back together.

It didn't matter how or who or why she loved him. But she did and that was enough for him.

Adrien let out a wet laugh. “I didn’t know that.”

“I couldn’t tell you before, I’m sorry.”

He meant something to ladybug.

He mattered to someone.

“I know.” he closed his eyes, grateful she saved him before he lost his chances to hear these words slip from her beautiful lips that he wanted to kiss so much.

He looked at them again.

Rosy, plump, and covered his tears.

And kissed her.

He got lost in her lips, her scent, and her softness. 

He felt her wipe his tears and bring him closer to her as she kissed back him like it was the last time.

But Adrien knew that if she stayed right there, next to him, it wouldn't be the last time.

* * *

Adrien smiles and moves a strand of hair behind a snoring ladybug.

After that day, Ladybug makes sure to visit him every day whenever she can.

She comes to his house during the day _and_ during the night.

Ladybug stays during the night until her miraculous starts beeping.

Ladybug reminds him that he mattered to her so much and that she loved him more than anything and anyone.

Ladybug gets Adrien sweets and helps him cook his meals. She even taught him how to use the kitchen utensils and how to turn on an oven.

Ladybug taught him how to love, to laugh, and how to face his problems.

Ladybug made him go to therapy, something he hadn’t thought about or thought he needed, which helped him a lot. It helped him realize that all the loneliness he was passing through was just an illusion in his head, he had people around him who loved him and appreciated him. Adrien knew that the voice in his head was just his mind playing tricks on him, so he never hears it anymore.

Ladybug taught him that it was okay to feel alone and down, but it wasn’t okay to run away from it.

Ladybug taught him that life was the greatest gift.

Adrien now knows he matters, she showed him he does.

Ladybug saved him and found him.

The thing he would never forget is how she hugged Chat Noir after that night, telling him that her crush, _her crush!_ Fell from a building.

That day he finally found the guy she liked. Which was him, by the way.

Adrien felt grateful she saved him, or else ladybug wouldn’t have been able to give the miraculous to anyone.

He suddenly hears beeping.

Ones he hates to hear but it doesn’t matter because he knows she’ll be back in no time.

“Ladybug.” He tries.

“My bug ~ “he tries again.

She moans _, she moans!_ And shifts. Then she cracks her eyes open and smiles at him.

“Hey, hot stuff.” She says, her voice deep, not because of the tears this time.

“Hey, bug.” He kisses her nose. “I hate to say this but you gotta bug out of the window.”

She scoffs and laughs. “Do you all guys have to keep punning on me?”

“Afraid so. I can’t be as good as Chat but I do try.”

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone can.”

Adrien smiles because he knows she appreciates her partner and loves him deeply, platonically, but little does she know he’s sleeping next to her right now.

Ladybug stands up groaning. “I’ll see you tomorrow okay.” She says while stretching.

Adrien hugs her and gives her a sweet kiss which she returns gladly. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

“I know. I love you.”

Adrien watches her leaves.

"I love you too."

He definitely doesn’t hear the other window in his apartment open.

Because Marinette definitely didn’t move in with him just a week after the incident. Telling him she has nowhere else to go and that she needed to live with him because she ‘lost’ the job she still went to. And Marinette definitely stopped being intimidated by him out of the blue. 

He definitely doesn’t notice that all the sweets Ladybug gets _every single day_ are from a certain bakery.

He definitely doesn’t know who hides behind ladybug’s mask.

And even if he does, he will not say anything.

Her identity won’t matter to him.

He loves this girl no matter how she is, might as well love her with her mask on.

Adrien likes it that way, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Just a bug and her prince.

**Author's Note:**

> if you're feeling down talk to me on discord! let's be friends. @ladybuginette  
> sometimes people need a friend so let's all help each other. Thanks for reading tell me what you think in the comments.  
> Sorry for the language mistakes but I wrote this in the present tense then converted it to past then mixed everything up bcz I'm confused and sleepy.


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